I have missed you

It has been a while since I had this feeling. This feeling of pure happiness. Things finally seemed to have just got into a groove. The kids are growing and learning new things every day, my marriage is going forward in leaps and bounds. It has almost been a year since I said "I do."

Over the last couple of months I took a step back and tried to look at my life from a different point of view. I knew I wanted to make some changes. So I did. I started spending more quality time with the kids. We did puzzles, painted, made castles out of blocks, did crafts, played with bouncy balls, ran around the back yard, tickled, cooked, laughed and enjoyed each and every moment we had together. I introduced the naughty corner to the kids as a new form of discipline. I do not want my kids growing up with attitude and thinking they are the boss of the house. I started to plan meals. I organised chores. Didn't leave the washing piling up in baskets for a week before I got stuck into it. Instead I do a bit each day. And, i have put my little boy back into his cloth nappies now that we have some warmer weather.

Life is good! I am loving it. Loving my family. Loving the possibilities that lie ahead. Finally I wake up each morning and look forward to the day ahead. I think about the good things instead of the things I don't want to do.

I am happy again. Truly happy. And I love it!

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I can do it. I am a good Mum.

I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I am a good Mum. I am a good Mum. I am a good Mum. I am a good Mum. I am a good Mum. I am a good Mum. I am a good Mum.

That is what I have been telling myself for the last couple of weeks. The next 3 months are going to be a massive challenge for me. But I can do it. And I will do it. I have no choice.

What am I doing? I am looking after my children by myself for 3 months straight. No more sleep overs an Nan and Pops. No more breaks when they are doing my head in. I am going to do it on my own. Well, with Aaron. When he isn't working at least.

Aaron's parents are going to travel around Australia for 3 months. I am excited for them. They deserve it. They are going to have a great time. Why am I freaking out about this? Well, because they are my life savers. That is why. They are the ones I call when I am going to have a break down and need a break from the kids. They are the ones who take the kids for a night so I can relax and have time for me. So I can get a decent sleep at night.

3 months without this is going to be a massive challenge. But I am their mother. I can look after them myself. And I will do a good job. (I hope). I should be able to do a good job. I am their mother. But, being a Mother really is the hardest job in the world. Nobody actually realises this until they become a mother.

So here is hoping I survive the next 3 months. I may gain 20 pounds and gain a few extra gray hairs. But I will have done it, and done it on my own.

I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I am a good Mother. I am a good Mother. I am a good Mother. I am a good Mother. I am a good Mother.

Cut me like a knife, rip out a part of me.

who knew the words of a 7 year old could cut through you like a knife? I guess the beauty (if you could call it that) of a young child is that they tell it like it is because they don't realise how hurtful some things they say can be.

Not enough

Sometimes, I feel like I am not doing enough as a Mother. Like I could do things better. I know I don't have enough patience. I know I need more patience. I wish I knew how I could be more calm and collected. I get frustrated far to easily and find myself yelling at the kids. I know this is stupid, it is not going to help/fix things. It is only going to show them that yelling is what you do when something isn't going right. I don't want my kids to think this. I need to start setting a better example. I just wish I knew how to do it.

Where are you?

I see you standing there. But it's like you are not there. You are here. But you are not here. What happened? Where have you gone? I miss your smile in the mornings and your phone calls at night. What happened? Have I done something wrong? I want you back, not this person standing in your place. I want for you to want to be here. Not wish you were anywhere but. What happened? Will you ever be back?

Monday Fundays

So my two little cherubs started day care yesterday. They are going to be going every Monday. Which means Mondays are now going to be MY day. So, they are going to be my Fun Day. The day I do whatever the hell I want to do without worrying about everyone else. 

 These days are going to be filled with watching the girly movies and tv series which Aaron refuses to watch with me. Scrapbooking. Shopping. Beading and doing my hair, waxing, tinting, dyeing (sp?) and nails. And catch up with friends.

    

So here is to Monday Fundays. The days where I regain my sanity. Miss my babies like crazy. But think of no-one but myself.